Will you blow on my dice?
Sponge bath it is.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
