So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
