Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
