They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize