At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
