You made me cry and you don't even care
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
