i wish there were pregnant emoticons
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
