Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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