you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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