You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
