I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
