I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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