Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize