Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
