Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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