i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
