I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
