A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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