thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
