i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
