I accidentally had phone sex last night
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize