I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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