the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
