feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
