Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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