i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
