hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
