So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
