I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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