He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
