I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
