two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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