I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
