he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
