People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
