so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
