If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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