I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
