Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
