If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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