fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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