just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
