hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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