What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
