i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
