Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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