there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize