I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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