i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
