I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
