all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
