If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
