i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
