dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize