clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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