Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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