Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
