I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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