I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
