Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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