do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
