please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
