If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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