Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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