I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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