I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
